hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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