Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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