She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
