Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
