He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
