I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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