your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
