Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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