she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
