My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
