I am midnight drunk by noon
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am available for nakedness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
