coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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