dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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