Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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