are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
