did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
