just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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