Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
