After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
