I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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