you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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