you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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