Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
