Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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