Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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