I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
