he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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