I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
