The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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