I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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