all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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