i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
