Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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