dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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