Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
