you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
