WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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