don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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