I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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