my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
