I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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