what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
