I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
