Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
