2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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