Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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