Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
