Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
