remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
