If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
