It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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