maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
