I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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