I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
