One girl and one boy is just not enough.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
