My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
