John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
